Another consideration

People around me were so latahan banget dah. Kenawhy nikahan orang terdekat selalu di jadikan reminder biar gua cepet nikah hffttt. I never had any idea for becoming sabbatical from marriages *tho I never said it loudly, I knew I kept procrastinating from actually doin' ta'aruf. Everything just looks way too blurry in term of ta'aruf *not the ta'aruf itself, but my prejudices. 

I know I should've take this state (single and being unemployed) to actually grow and learn every possible way to take a part in this ummah *including learning about pra-nikah. But taat before someone you barely know is way too shaddy and risky *just by CV that I can't fully trust, I don't trust my own CV btw. For me, to actually considering doing ta'aruf, at least we need to have had crossing paths before (online or offline doesn't matter) and actually saw each other personalities or whatever you say it *even tho I'm totally sure we already change so much. 

I knew why I don't think that I can married those who asked me then. And why I kept refusing jodoh-jodohannya my sister and my father. Don't ask me why, but first, I don't trust my father's perspectives and many other choices of life. But I'm so grateful, Alhamdulillah, he never force me to do or choose whatever he think is right and whatever he want. Second, I'm not hating anyone or those manhaj or organizations, in my opinion (I know my opinion doesn't matter, but in my own life it is matter) their way in ruling things (in mubah or khilafiyah areas) and socializing with other communities or society outside them weren't something I consider as a Hikmah way to do or say. Both my father and sister was way too different, and society where we're living in also waaaaay too vary. So that's what it is. I want to try to actually becoming in the middle with hikmah. 

Why am I writing this?, bcoz my sister just tried to jodoh-jodohin again, but I can't say that I don't really consider Sa**** as my imam *bisa-bisa gua kemplang pala orang dan syulit taat. Begitu pula dengan Babeh, I don't really consider someone who don't actually learn about this deen or someone from N* garis keras as my imam. 

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